Is it possible to start life from scratch. Refrain from harmful behavior. J) When can I start doing X

How to start all over again, how to start life from scratch - how to turn over a new page in life without loss?

Got depressed? Tired of the usual way of life to death? Nothing pleases? Do you want to forget the unpleasant past and start life from a new leaf, start all over again? So, it's time for a change. And everything about everything will take only 5 days - you can’t delay it so as not to change your mind and again plunge into your old swamp abyss.

How to become completely different in 5 days: starting a new life

Day 1: Writing the Manifesto

On the very first day of your new life, take an A4 sheet and write your Manifesto. Write down what exactly should change your life dramatically. That it will be something that was not there before. Think carefully and write down what you will see every morning and what will inspire you for the whole day.

The text itself will come out of past issues. What made you depressed? Why do you want to start life from a new leaf? So start - on a clean, new sheet, write the rules and laws of your new life. Something like this: “I love myself and I am happy. Everything is fine with me, and I will not allow a single person to offend me. I am self-sufficient, smart and beautiful. People love me and men like me. I won't let anyone play with me like a toy. I will reach the top of my career and find my Prince. And I will succeed"

Day 2. Changing the image

New image- a new sense of self, mood and zeal in life. It is better to change your appearance radically, and for this it is better to consult with knowledgeable friends or even a stylist in advance.

Throw away all unloved clothes and those that “seem to fit”. From now on, buy only those things that you really like, really like.

Do everything, but make sure that the reflection in the mirror is definitely pleasing. And at home too - even if you don’t leave your apartment today, don’t be too lazy to comb your hair, put on light makeup and put on comfortable, but beautiful home clothes, even if they are inexpensive. From this, the mood will be on top, and depressive thoughts will not arise.

Day 3. We update the interior

Feel free to re-paste the wallpaper and rearrange the furniture in the apartment - let nothing remind you of the past. Pay attention to the colors that annoyed you before - it's time to get rid of them. Put your whole soul into a change of scenery, even if you have to spend money on it.

Add more light green tones to the interior - they will cause quiet joy and good mood, hang solar curtains - they will fill the room with light and warmth even if it is the northern gloomy side, buy a fluffy and pleasant to the touch red blanket - it will be very cozy and warm, and in moments of weakness and ill health, it will slightly raise the pressure and activate the entire body.

Let every thing in the apartment evoke only positive associations and pleasant sensations. If something takes up a lot of space, annoys, interferes - throw it away without a shadow of a doubt. Indeed, within the walls of your home you must recover and relax, live and enjoy comfort.

Day 4: Making the jump in your career

Have you been sitting in the same place for the fifth year already? Can't see your employees anymore? Have you already buried your dreams of the chair of the head? It's time to rush into battle! Offer bold ideas at meetings, demonstrate your potential, sign up for good foreign language courses - do everything to make you want to be promoted. A new position is a new experience, it's interesting, it's a new step. And if it suddenly turns out that you are at a dead end, and you are not threatened with any professional development, then it's time to change your job. And in this regard, you are fabulously lucky - many people have been working in a swamp for decades, without any prospect of climbing the career ladder, and they realize this tragedy only after giving their best years to someone and for no reason. Therefore, it is better not to waste time and not dream on the sly that someone will start promoting you - take everything into your own hands and change your life dramatically.

Day 5: Revitalize Relationships

Relationship with a loved one covered with mud? Boredom has become so clear that you have not called back for the third day? So, it's time for action. Give your loved one an unexpected surprise, a gift, drop everything and hit the road to the mountains or the sea. Become different in his eyes - let him see you from the other side. Take a 5 day oriental dance course and surprise your boyfriend. Discover yourself in a new guise - stun, surprise and fall in love. After all, you started life from a new leaf - which means that there is no place for everyday life and boredom here.

And let everything be just fine in the new life!

Sometimes we realize that we are thoroughly stuck, that the life that we have is definitely not to our liking. There can be many reasons for this: our relationships can fail, the work we do can get boring, the people we have to deal with can become disgusting, and it can also happen that the thought flashes in the brain like a match that everything that is around - this is far from what we really need.

But regardless of the reasons that prompt you to change, you can start all over again, having previously clarified everything and determined for yourself guidelines and a plan for changing yourself and your life. I sincerely hope that these 15 steps help you start a new life and change yourself.

Step 1. Determine the direction of movement and your motivation.

Your life is always a movement towards a certain goal, regardless of whether you are aware of this goal or not. Your former life, which does not suit you, could be subordinated to someone else's false goal, which contradicted your inner nature, your nature, your desires and your values. For example, you were in a relationship that you didn't really want, or got a job that you were disgusted with, or talked to people who turned out to be complete strangers to you.

Now you can determine for yourself which trajectory you should move on, now you yourself are the master of your life path. Use the right motivation. Start from "Where am I going?" and not from "Why am I running?". Running away from something is not a useful motivation. Avoiding bad feelings does not solve real problems. Emotions tend to follow you wherever you go. Therefore, you will have to deal with them before you start a truly new life.

How to develop a life strategy

Step 2: Release yourself from the burden of loss or defeat.

Often, serious life events push us to start all over again. Divorce, separation, collapse of career plans, ruin of a business, job loss, health status. All this leaves a serious emotional imprint and can be a source of constant stress, worries, anxiety or even depression. You need to understand that making serious decisions with such baggage is a very dangerous business.

If a life event made you experience deep and strong emotions, then it takes time for everything to calm down. This gap can be reduced if you work through your experiences with the help of within one or more sessions.

Step 3. Explore your life

For the success of your enterprise at the beginning of a new life, it is not enough just to know where you need to move. It is also important to clearly know and clearly understand where you are starting from. Imagine that you are about to make a powerful jump into the water, but you are jumping from a very slippery bank. You spend your strength and energy on a powerful jump, but at the decisive moment you slip and everything goes down the drain.

To prevent this from happening in your story, study your past life (it will also be useful to go through rapid test "Life Analysis"), write down on paper and examine your habits, your past patterns of behavior in different life situations (for example, how you cope with difficulties or react to unexpected opportunities; how much you manage to follow your decisions, etc.).

Surely in the process of studying your past life and your behavior, you will notice a lot of things that you would not like to notice, which will cause you rejection and internal resistance. But this is exactly what you should pay attention to in the first place.

“The darkness of low truths is dearer to us than the uplifting deception,” said Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin. What is "low truth"?

They are what you know about yourself, but what to know, and even more so to hear from others, is unpleasant. What you drive from yourself. Things that require thinking make you feel uncomfortable. And in general - to grow. Uplifting deception does not promote growth. Ryaba the Hen is a film about low truths. I think that's why a lot of people don't get it.

Why wasn't Chaadaev accepted, why was he declared insane? Others even today categorically deny it. Although he was largely right. But he talked about "lower truths" that caused a feeling of discomfort, which was not customary to talk about. No one has yet been put in a lunatic asylum for "elevating deceit." And for the "low truths" suffered enough. As a rule, it is for them.

And this is not only in Russia - no one in the world needs a frightening truth. It needs to be hidden. So that few know it and do not allow others to see it ..

Konchalovsky A., Low Truths, M., "Collection" Top Secret ", 1999

Step 4. Examine your values

Before making big and serious decisions about what your new life will be, you should analyze your own life values. If you know what is most important to you, then based on your values, it will be easier for you to make the right decisions about how to start a new life and change yourself.

Take a sheet of paper and write down on it everything that you believe in, everything that you consider the main and important in life, in relationships between people, what things make you think deeply or inspire. Look at what you do in life, what you like to do and ask yourself a simple question: “Why?”, “What is it for?”. The answers you receive can reveal completely unexpected facets of your personality.

You can also look at a few people (these may be living and familiar people, famous personalities or historical characters) that you admire and ask yourself: what do I respect most about them? Why? How can this play out in my own life?

Step 5: Decide what big changes you want to make

For some people, starting a “new life” may mean a major change: moving to another city or country, a complete renewal of social ties, a change in professional field, etc. For others, it may mean small but significant changes, such as liberation away from old habits or behaviors and focus on developing new lifestyles. Regardless of your desire, make sure you are clear about how big a change you want to make.

Find out what needs to change in your life. For example, is there something that makes you unhappy or dissatisfied? Or can you decide to change every aspect of my life for me, or would it be more appropriate to focus on one or two areas? Remember that change (especially when done without outside support) is always difficult, so start small and work your way up to be successful.

Step 6. Create an image of your new future

Do one useful exercise that will help you figure out what goals and objectives to set for yourself and what changes need to be made. In addition, it will give you the necessary motivation and strengthen your intention to change.

Imagine a certain moment in the future. Let this moment have the exact date and time. Imagine that in this future, you have received the magical power to achieve all your hopes and dreams. You are exactly who you want to be.

Imagine it in as much detail as possible. Who surrounds you? Where do you live? What are you doing? What does it look like? Include as many details as possible to create the clearest possible image. One of my clients imagined that he was a successful designer, he had his own studio, interesting orders came to him from all over the world and he traveled a lot to other countries, doing interesting and amazing things (in reality, after a couple of years he really founded his studio and became receive foreign orders).

Now think about your strengths, abilities and skills that are needed to make this vision of the future a reality. What do you already have? What areas need improvement? Be honest with yourself. For example, if you want to be a famous musician, then perhaps you already have musical ability, or at least a love for music. You will also need a stronger mindset to work on improvements.

Using your imagination to create an image of the future, make that image achievable and positive. Obviously, you cannot become a superhero or the owner of any superpowers and super-powers. Here you better think about what attracts you to such a superhero. His desire for justice and defense of the weak? Then you can choose for yourself a profession that contributes to the fulfillment of this mission. Or do you like the ability to make quick and accurate decisions? Then imagine how you should train your thinking to reach that level.

Step 7. Set clear and specific goals

The famous sage Lao Tzu said: a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. And your journey into a new life must also begin with concrete steps. Setting clear personal goals will help you move forward confidently and stay on course to build a new life.

Think about where you see yourself in 6 months, a year, 3 years, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years, 30 years or more.

Set your goals. Make sure they are well-defined goals, that is, they are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and have clear deadlines.

Start by defining your big goal and then break it down into smaller ones. Then break smaller goals into tasks.

For example, if you decide that you want to find your own business and make it a source of your income, this is your overall goal. To achieve it, you will need to achieve smaller goals. For example, the first thing you should do is contact a professional who will help you find the case that suits your purpose (for my clients, this service is included in the program «» ), then you need to draw up a marketing plan and conduct a study of the target audience. Examples of tasks here can be: creating a test product, researching people's needs and their willingness to use this product, studying competitors and their products, analyzing the market, etc. You can split these tasks even further, for example, set yourself the task of communicating with potential customers or going to places where products are sold (services are provided) similar to the product that you are going to give.

Step 8: Determine the necessary internal changes

In order for your project of a new life to be successful, you should think carefully about what internal changes you need to make to your own personality. In other words, you need to define who you BE in order to successfully DO what will allow you to HAVE another life.

Let's take a look at what these internal changes can be.

It can be changes in your physical condition. You may decide that you must enter the new life with a new body. You may want to get rid of excess weight or increase your level of physical fitness, get a more athletic and developed body. Do not forget that excess weight depends on 2 main reasons: slagging of the body and a low level of vital activity.

I recommend that you start by increasing your level of physical activity and do so gradually over time (at least 45 days) so that it becomes a habit. You may need the help of a consultant to develop an optimal program and change beliefs and mental attitudes that prevent you from changing your body.

It will be easier with a change in appearance. You can choose your own style or consult with a stylist. Buy new clothes, change your hairstyle. Remember that how you dress and how you look affects how you feel and how others perceive you. Research has proven that when you dress in a way that aligns with your goals, you are more likely to achieve them.

Changes in worldview. This is about the well-known expression "You can take the girl out of the village, but you can not take the village out of the girl." If you do not want to be this most notorious "girl", then you have to work hard on how you think and how you perceive the world.

Think about what beliefs the person you want to become should have, how this person should perceive the world, people, events, relationships. What principles and rules should it be guided by. Explore the list of ,to get about a completely new way of looking at the world.

Changing your mindset is not an easy process. Force of habit, old patterns and inertia of thought can form the core of your personality. Within the framework of the program «» we do with clients so that a person can see his true nature and find his real self. After this process, any changes in consciousness with the help of any psychotechnics are much faster and easier.

emotional changes. In order for your new life to be prosperous, you need to learn to let go of your past. This includes the ability to forgive. Forgiveness frees you from the burden of past trauma and pain. You forgive others not for them, but for yourself. Research shows that forgiveness makes you feel less angry and anxious. Learn to also accept defeats and losses as part of life, pass them through the "sieve" of awareness and let go. And you will feel great relief.

Change your approach to life using the power of gratitude. Learn to thank life for any of its manifestations, remember that difficulties on your life path are trials, not punishments. Accept them as well as all the good things that happen to you.

Research has shown that practicing gratitude makes you feel happier and more content with life; it will help you learn flexibility and adaptability to change; will enhance your physical health and sleep quality, and may help you overcome emotional trauma. Practice the power of gratitude for 5 minutes every day 1 or more times.

Step 9: Rethink your relationship with people

The world is people, and life is relationships between people. It's hard to start a new life if there are "toxic" people in your environment who drag you down. In some cases, it is necessary to "cut" such people out of your life in the interests of your own safety. In other cases, you can simply stop spending time with them, and you will feel happier by removing them from your life.

Interpersonal relationships are critical to your functioning and improvement as a person. Numerous studies show that we strongly influence the people with whom we interact, so when starting a new life, take into it only those people who are important to you and will give you the love and respect that you deserve.

One of my clients, having decided to start a new life and open his own business, faced numerous difficulties, the reasons for which, as it turned out, lay in the fact that his so-called. "friends" were people not inclined to independent actions and taking responsibility. They are accustomed to live a measured, stable and dull life, and communicating with them, my client involuntarily fed those parts of his personality that resisted the risks and dangers of entrepreneurial activity. In practice, this led to the fact that "business did not move." My client needed a serious rethinking of the role of these people in his life in order for the situation to change and his business to begin to grow and develop.

The following anecdote illustrates this situation very well:

The old devil drowns in hell three boilers with sinners. A young imp is sent to him for practice.

Young Devil. Old Devil teaches him:

- So, look - the first boiler. He must be carefully monitored. The Jews are here. If at least one gets out, he will drag all his own behind him ...

Second boiler. Here you can keep an eye on the lid half-heartedly. The Americans are sitting here, it’s every man for himself, one will run away - it’s not scary, he won’t go far anyway.

You can not look at the third boiler at all. The Russians are here. If at least one climbs up, the rest will seize them and put them in the hottest place.

Clear your space of people:

• with whom you feel empty or constantly stressed
• who constantly criticize or judge you. And you feel like you can't do anything right when you're around them.
• who say bad things about you to your face or behind your eyes
• around whom you do not feel safe sharing your hopes, thoughts, needs or feelings.

Eliminating unhealthy social relationships will help you move forward more confidently and many times faster towards a happy and healthy life. Forming a supportive social environment that does not include your past habits is critical to ensuring your success path. Surround yourself with people around whom you will grow as a person and develop towards a new life.

Step 10. Start a New Financial Life

Whether you just graduated from college or have been in the business for 30 years, it's never too early or too late to start your financial life over again. You may want to start saving for meaningful life goals, such as buying a house or a comfortable old age. Or maybe you want to rethink your spending habits to stop wasting money left or right. Or maybe you want to invest. Take a look at your goals and decide how you need to manage your money to get what you need.

Try to get rid of all your debts first. Debts - they are from a former life. They have no place in the new life. One of my clients, after our work with her, got rid of 90% of her debts in less than 6 months. If you have more debt than you can pay, then current legislation allows you to go through personal bankruptcy. Perhaps this will be the right option for you.

Then analyze your finances. Structure your income and expenses, start budgeting. See where you can reduce "leaks" (for example, buying unnecessary things), and where you can get extra money (for example, by selling things that you do not use through the avito.ru service). In any case, keeping a budget will tell you good financial decisions.

Step 11. Talk to people

When you decide to start a new life, talking to people who are already living the life you want can be a very helpful move. This is useful because it can give you an idea of ​​how to get there. For example, if you want to discard boring boring work and do something that you love and that interests you, then you just need to look for those people who have already done business in your favorite business and, for example, take an interview from them, during which ask about their road map. Perhaps one of these people will agree to become your Mentor on the way to a new life.

You can also ask people about difficult moments that may arise in your new life. You may be delusional about a new career, a new relationship, a new business, or a new country. Understanding the smallest details that others will tell you about will allow you to avoid many mistakes and wrong movements.

For example, you may dream of leaving your boring job in Moscow and moving to Bali, where life is paradise. If you interact with people who already live there, you may discover things you don't know about, like how incredibly expensive it is, unfriendly visa policies, health care issues, difficulty engaging in activities that require focus. Of course, this does not mean that you should not move, but this knowledge will help you better adapt to the realities of a new life.

Step 12: Get Support

Starting a new life can be a daunting prospect. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you and who can help and support you on your journey. Knowing that you have sources of emotional support will help you feel much stronger as you face the realities of your new life.

If you do not have family or reliable comrades who can support you, then it makes sense to look for such support elsewhere. This may be support within interest groups or communities or even religious communities. Go where people freely and openly communicate with each other and make new acquaintances.

Step 13: Test Yourself

The big life changes that are needed to start a new life will require serious work, dedication and patience from you. This can be stressful and intimidating. Make sure you are ready for this. How are you feeling? What kind of behavior is acceptable to you? Are you worried about something? Keeping a diary will help you understand your emotions and determine if there are areas where you need more support or need deep work.

The process of serious and profound changes in life can often cause feelings of depression. You may start to feel sad, stop enjoying certain things, feel anxious or guilty, feel empty or hopeless. In this case, quickly and painlessly you can help . Work on this technology allows you to eliminate negative emotional sensations during one session.

Step 14: Make the necessary changes

A new life will not mean that difficulties, obstacles and problems will disappear forever. Starting a new career does not mean that you will never again feel unappreciated or uninspired. Moving to a new city or a new country does not mean you will never miss home. When you have problems, acknowledge them as such and do what you need to do to resolve them and adapt to the situation.

You may face a lot of difficulties on your way to a new life. For example, perhaps you wanted to pursue a military career to follow your values ​​of service and honor, but found out you were not healthy enough to go to military school. You could see this as the failure and collapse of your dream, or you could go back to the "drawing board" and see if there are other things you can do that will also allow you to express these core values.

Step 15: Work with a consultant

Even if you don't think anything is going "wrong" in the process of building your new life, it can be helpful to reach out to a counselor or personal trainer, especially when it comes to making major changes. The fact is that such a difficult process as starting a new life and changing oneself can contain a variety of mistakes and hidden obstacles that can only be seen from the outside. A good consultant is able to give you high-quality feedback and save you from wasting time, effort and resources.

Another point is that deep personal changes are always accompanied by stress and internal resistance (self-sabotage). Sometimes they are so strong that they give up and lose all desire to move forward. With the help of a consultant, you can work through and get rid of internal fears that block changes. A counselor can also help you learn useful ways of thinking and responding to challenges.

Seeking a counselor is a sure sign that you love yourself and take care of yourself enough to get help when it's needed and helpful, and that's good news. A personality change consultant is to you what a dentist is to your teeth: you fix minor problems and complexities before they become catastrophic.

Start a new life today!

After reading this article, you may decide: “OK, this is all great! I will definitely take these recommendations into account and even begin to follow some of them.” But the fact is that the process of change is a systemic process, where everything is clearly connected with each other and each step affects the other. It is important not to make a mistake here.

Do you want to know how to start a new life in which there will be self-realization, high meaning, activity, motivation, strength, leadership, new discoveries, energy, exciting changes, an interesting game, new horizons, pleasure from the moment you live, a clear understanding of your own path, no self-sabotage and insecurity , clarity of intention and action? And at the same time, you will not make gross mistakes and avoid many “pitfalls”, and the journey itself will take several months instead of decades.

Then . I will give you a solution!

That's how you live and it seems that everything is in order. No matter how good, no matter how good. And then all of a sudden it hits ... all these unpleasant memories, terrible resentments, gnawing feelings of guilt. Looking back, you see that life is a chain of bad and very bad events. I want to cross it all out, as if turning the page and starting life from scratch. And it seems to even work out, though until the next roll of unpleasant memories. Is life all about suffering?

• Why, no matter how much you want, but you never manage to forget the past, turn the page and start life from scratch?
• What's stopping you from starting from scratch?
• Where to find the strength to start over - to live from scratch?

The desire to start all over again from scratch does not arise in every person. And this is not due to how many mistakes and misdeeds people make in their lives. No, this desire is directly related only to the human psyche, which for some of us is directed entirely and completely into the past.

How to start life from scratch? The question is not for everyone.

Only 20% of the planet's inhabitants are more focused on the past with their thoughts and desires. It is there, in the past years, that they see the best in the life of mankind in general, and, unfortunately, their most offensive mistakes and misdeeds. But the future, on the contrary, seems completely unattractive to them. Therefore, they often say this: either " Eh, people used to be simpler, the trees were taller, the prices were lower. And now where are we heading? Everything just gets worse and worse." Either " How could I be so wrong? You didn't have to do that! Now I regret it all my life ... How to turn the page, how to start living from scratch?

We are talking about people who by nature have an anal vector (terminology of system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan, read more about the system of vectors in the article "8 vectors".

It is the gnawing feeling that mistakes have been made in the past that engenders in the mind of the anal person the idea of ​​taking all this and forgetting it all at once. After all, in fact, the question is “how to start life from scratch?” - this is not a question, but simply a desire to cross out past oversights.

Subconsciously, we understand that it is impossible to “start from scratch”, because it contradicts the nature of the anal vector. Aspiring to the past, possessing an excellent memory, he cannot turn around at one moment, neglect everything that was and go forward without looking back. That doesn't happen. And even if it happened by some miracle, it would bring incredible suffering, much more than a person feels from the remorse of what he did in the past.

Start the year with a clean slate? Is it necessary?

Of course, you always want to get rid of what hurts. But in the case of the anal vector, the mistakes of the past are only a seeming reason for heartache. The real reason is that the past does not provide analytical experience, looping a person on the same mistakes. It is because of this that there is a feeling of some kind of constant, incessant dance on the same rake, and the future life is seen exclusively in pessimistic colors. Yes, occasionally there is a glimpse of the thought “to start living from scratch”, but this does not change anything. Everything stays the same year after year.

The only way to stop suffering from your own past is to become aware of it, analyze it, draw correct conclusions from it., i.e turn the past into useful experience. Most often, this does not work for us due to the elementary reason for not understanding ourselves and our desires, and to the same extent - the desires and characteristics of other people, conflicts with which cause the most pain.

Only an accurate, reliable, verified analysis of why something is happening in our lives gives relief. This is how experience is created, and at the very moment when we apply it to life, it gives tremendous relief and fulfillment. Even more - when we share experience with other people, transfer to the future.

By correctly applying the past as a good experience (and there is simply no bad experience, by definition), we get a colossal fulfillment of our desires. And then the thought will never even enter your head - how to turn the page and start life from scratch, all over again.

Life cannot be started from scratch, but much more can be

Not a single person in the world can mark his past, forget it, cross it out and just start life from scratch. This happens only with brain damage and amnesia, but such a scenario of life causes nothing but sympathy.

You should not be afraid of your past or deny it. On the contrary, you need to make a 180-degree turn and boldly look into your past. Take it apart piece by piece, remember all the grievances and feelings of guilt, all the troubles and punctures, but not from scratch, but with the help of Yuri Burlan's system-vector psychology. This knowledge has already provided a foothold for thousands of people around the world. Read and watch their reviews at this link.

System-vector psychology is now available to everyone in the form of very interesting lectures accessible to literally anyone. Introductory part - absolutely free, to pass it, you just need to register and receive an invitation for the next dates. It can be done

WE ALL HAVE ACCUMULATED A LOT OF QUESTIONS TO OURSELVES AND THE WORLD, with which there seems to be no time or it is not worth going to a psychologist. But convincing answers are not born either when talking with yourself, or with friends, or with parents. Therefore, we asked professional psychotherapist Olga Miloradova to answer pressing questions once a week. By the way, if you have them, send them to .

How to start life from scratch?

From childhood, we are taught that we need to study better, do more, run somewhere all the time, hurry up, finish school with honors, go to college as soon as possible - work up later, and then - no, you need to get married, and it would be time for children, otherwise you won’t have time, the eggs are not spermatozoa, they are finite. And in the end, when this endless stream calms down a little, there is a chance to find yourself in an unloved job, or with an unloved husband, or unwanted children. Or, on the contrary, without the children you so dreamed of, but in the abyss of a hateful job. Or even with a broken trough - it just happened, out of a sense of contradiction, for example. The main thing is that you woke up today or tomorrow, and the following thought comes to your mind: stop, this is not it and not me, is this what I dreamed of?

Olga Miloradova
psychotherapist

Despite the fact that I strongly advocate that every person should give up living other people's lives and finally start living their own, I do not advise you to drop everything at once and run to some ashram in India, even if the book "Eat, Pray, Love has proven this to be the best way to solve all problems. First, sit down and think, more than once, why are you where you are? How did you end up in this place? Did your own dreams or the hopes of loved ones bring you here? Who are you and what do you dream of? Did you dream of writing screenplays, but became a lawyer because dad wanted to? Or did you just want to be a lawyer, and dad wanted the same, but you were so infuriated that dad offended mom that you, in spite of him, decided to become, well, for example, a stewardess? Perhaps your own dreams and your hard-won decisions brought you here, but what you have is no longer viable? Or maybe it never was, but you overestimated your strength.

In order to honestly admit to yourself in many things, often there is simply not enough courage. How to accept the fact that you are not smart enough for a scientific career? Or your hands aren't dexterous enough to be a good surgeon. Or that your husband no longer attracts you mentally or physically. In the latter situation, it is much worse if he is still the same close friend and comrade, but you don’t want to have sex with him at all. In most cases, our lives are not black and white, so any situation, even the most unbearable, is not always unambiguously bad. She has at least such a plus - she is familiar to you, in her you know how to behave, where to hide and how to survive, and everything new and unknown is fraught with fear that suddenly everything will be even worse.

Unfortunately, life does not provide any guarantees and the choice is always yours. That is why you can meet the love of your life, but stay with someone with whom everything is so familiar and routine. Or, on the contrary, take an escape with an unexpected, unexpected love against the backdrop of a long calm, and then understand that you have truly betrayed your person and will not return. And yet, if you really thought well, weighed the pros and cons and realized that everything you have does not suit you and is not viable, then this fear of change must be overcome. Yes, there are no guarantees of success, but any change is already a breath of fresh air, it is a new experience, new ways and opportunities.

Let go of your past. Don't compare what's happening to you now
with what you gave up

Think about who you are going to start this new life with. Do you take a partner with you or is it the one you are going to refuse? Think about those people with whom you are used to communicating: are they really all your friends and necessary for you, or do you maintain relationships with some of them out of courtesy / out of old memory, or maybe it is they who are pulling you back? As you should evaluate the pros and cons, you are starting a new life, you must understand who is part of this new life and who is not.

Let go of your past. Do not cling to it, do not compare what is happening to you now with what you have given up. Yes, this is your experience, it is definitely useful in some way, you probably learned a lot from the mistakes you made, but in general, try to take out only positive memories from your past life and turn the page.

Now it's time to make real plans. Make a list of what you would like to change and what concrete steps you can take towards those changes. Try not to cover global categories, it is better to plan changes in small steps, setting yourself short-term realistic goals. It is also advisable to avoid such a turn as “I must” when drawing up your plan. You are changing your life for the better. Do you want that. Your little changes are your desires and joys, not the Damocles sword of obligations and obligations.

For every doubt, put more effort and try to cultivate positive thinking in yourself.

And since we are talking about small steps, you can start the changes with your appearance, for example. Often, even something as small as a new hairstyle can help you feel like a new person, or at least mark the beginning of a new phase. Start thinking like a new person, in no case look back with thoughts, but what would happen if ... Nothing new will begin until you finish the old one, this is especially noticeable when trying to build new relationships without losing hope for resuscitation of the previous ones. So, don't forget to close these doors tightly. But at the same time, forget about things like "I can't" and "I can't do it." We were talking about setting realistic goals, right? So, for every doubt, make more efforts and try to cultivate positive thinking in yourself. In addition to being what we eat, we are much more what we think. If we think of ourselves as a loser, then every further action will only confirm this, right?

And do not forget that we are still limited in time. The longer we wait, the more difficult it is to start something new, on the one hand (after all, the brain’s ability to learn and remember decreases with age), and also the more difficult it is for us to admit that we have been doing something wrong all these years. Imagine, it’s one thing to leave an abusive partner at 25, and another thing at 50 and think that most of your life has been devoted to suffering, it’s much easier to pretend that everything is fine until the very end. However, whoever you are and whatever you do, and even if you are not going to change anything at all, try at least sometimes to distance yourself from professional identity. First of all, because you are not just a journalist, marketer, veterinarian, student - you are a much more multifaceted person, and who knows what talents are still hidden in you? And even without talents, each of us has a child who deserves unconditional love. And not for anything, but just like that.

A life- an interesting thing, but sometimes difficult, it goes hand in hand separation and meeting, evil and good, love and hate, joy and sadness. But that's what makes life beautiful - its versatility. You won’t know, you won’t predict what awaits you in tomorrow - triumph or collapse. If at the moment you are experiencing difficulties in life, you think that everything has lost its meaning, and you don’t know how to live further - try start life from scratch. Our tips will help you with this.

Leave the past in the past.

It often happens that a person, for various reasons, finds himself in difficult situations. Someone is going through a divorce, someone is the death of a loved one. Someone lost their job or property, became seriously ill, etc. Everyone's reasons are different. It is very hard to go through, but it has already happened, and nothing can be changed. It's already in the past. A series of cases led to the fall, so we need to learn the necessary lessons so as not to repeat the same mistakes in the future. Remember the saying:- What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Try to start life from scratch.

Of course, you will constantly analyze what happened, blame yourself or another person, or some external factors for what happened. Leave fruitless thoughts: " And if ..., then it was ...". Alas, the past has no subjunctive mood. No one is able to change past events, no one knows how it would be - better or worse for you, if events had happened differently. You yourself do not torture yourself, do not mentally return to the past, no matter how difficult it may seem. Learn to think positively and enjoy the little things in everyday life.

In order to start life from scratch, there is a good training. It will help set yourself up for positive thinking: try to remember every night before going to bed all the joyful emotions that you experienced over the past day.

Your main assets.

In order to start all over again, analyze what you have at the moment. Surely, the first answer is that nothing. But this is not the correct answer. You have lived for a number of years, you are no longer a helpless baby. You have experience, acquired professional knowledge and skills. And, taking this as a basis, you can make plans for the future.

Maybe you have some unnecessary things that you can profitably sell or save " for a rainy day”, because in order to start everything from the beginning, any penny counts. Perhaps you used to hold a high position or were a wealthy person, but during a difficult situation, when there is a question of survival, do not be afraid to take on at least some work.

You are trying to start life from scratch, but you are not alone. Look around, because you have relatives and close people, friends, colleagues, acquaintances. Do not hesitate to ask them for help, because someone will be able to give you advice, help your friends, business.

Communicate on the Internet, there are now many sites where people create groups based on professions or interests. Regardless of whether this communication is real or virtual, it will definitely give positive results. You will talk about your troubles (and psychologists advise you to do this, because then your problems will seem less global to you) and you can meet people who will provide help when and from where you did not expect it at all.

In the end, for those who are trying to start all over again, all sorts of volunteer services or social programs that can help everyone in need with different requests can become a huge support at first. This includes psychological assistance, free legal advice, accommodation, meals, etc. Don't give up.

However, it is worth noting that when you are in an unbalanced state, you are vulnerable to various scammers. Be careful! Don't be afraid to take help from strangers, but check. And remember - no one will help you better than you can do it yourself.

There is no time for depression.

Without a doubt, failure in life leads to depression. Of course, it is necessary to suffer, but not for a long time, otherwise depression will drag you into a path of inaction, tears and neuroses. And then you need medical help.

Our body has an invaluable resource. But it must be protected and protected in any difficult situations. Often during depression, a person tries to forget by taking alcohol. But this is a fruitless and terrible path, leading to nothing constructive. And to start life from scratch, you should not take him as a companion.

There is also this expression: If you think that everything is bad with you, find someone who is even worse and help him.". Double benefit in this advice. First, you will find out that everything is not so bad with you. Secondly, you will experience a sense of satisfaction due to the fact that you have helped someone who is even worse off.

In order to make it easier to start life from scratch and return your thoughts and body in order after stress, do physical exercises. A famous saying from ancient Greece is still relevant today: In a healthy body healthy mind» . And we need a healthy mind. In order not to be nervous anymore, throw out the burden of sad thoughts, decompose your thoughts " on the shelves and, in fact, start all over again. Find a sport according to your temperament and soul. Running, yoga, dancing, swimming, cycling, aggressive sports… There are tons of options. Don't worry if your finances don't allow you to go to fitness centers. Charging and exercises are available to everyone. The main thing is not to be lazy. Set a goal, for example, to have an ideal body, and strive for it.

Be that as it may, exercise is very disciplined. Plus - during and after classes, the hormone endorphin or the hormone of joy, as it is otherwise called, is produced. After half an hour of exercise, the body produces this hormone for another 2 hours. In addition, endorphin gives strength to the body to resist stress, resistance to negative emotions and balance.

your perspectives.

Look at yourself and your problems with the eyes of an optimist. How many people get a chance to start over? For example, to do something that before, for various reasons, it was not possible to do, but I wanted to. Prove to everyone. primarily. Himself, that it was not in vain that he was born into the world. Moreover, in a state of stress, talents that have been hidden up to this point are often revealed, developing into a hobby or a profession.

So how do you start life from scratch?

Set yourself a psychological point: believe in yourself, in your knowledge and abilities, your character. Start developing those skills that you feel are not enough for you. Don't be afraid to take risks. Get to know the world, the environment and yourself. Remember the expression: Better to do and regret than to regret and not do».

Be active and confident. Then you will undoubtedly be able to start a new life, even if this does not happen immediately. The main thing is your focus on results and desire.
Remember the words of Richard Aldington: Life is a wonderful adventure, worthy of suffering and failure for the sake of success.».